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The impact of childhood abuse on survivors socioeconomic status

The impact of childhood abuse on adult survivors can have a negative effect on the adult’s ability to navigate effectively through adult life. Survivors can face a vast verity of stumbling blocks that will limit their ability to develop effectively into adulthood; these stumbling blocks include health problems like depression, fear, anxiety, palpitations, crying, compulsive behaviors, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal thoughts or suicidal actions.

These debilitating stumbling blocks also have a profound impact on survivor’s socioeconomic status; their ability to obtain well-paying employment might be limited because of mental or physical problems resulting from their past abuse. Mental and physical problems might limit the Survivor’s ability to interact with others, complete basic tasks in a timely manner, or effectively communicate in a professional setting, in addition, poor concentration, limited education including vocational training might be factors that limits Survivor’s ability to obtain and maintain adequate employment.

A study by Dr. David S. Zielinski points out that childhood abuse negatively effects the individual throughout their lifetime; at every level from development to education also “20 percent of unemployed adults” suffer some kind of childhood abuse including neglect. He goes on to point out that intervention which includes “physical and mental health care and educational support” can positively improve the Survivor’s socioeconomic status that will improve the Survivor’s well-being.

Love always

Lovigordon

Reference

Reference Long-term Socioeconomic Impact of Child Abuse and Neglect: Implications for Policy by David S. Zielinski, Ph.D. https://www.purdue.edu/hhs/hdfs/fii/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/s_nmfis02c03.pdf

Abuse Survivors on the Job: Signs, Symptoms, and How to Help It’s not as uncommon as you might thinkhttps://www.govexec.com/management/2016/01/abuse-survivors-job-signs-symptoms-and-how-help/125060/

5 Steps to Jumpstart the Healing Process of Past Abuse

When it comes to the healing process that will allow individuals to heal and attain the feeling of peace with oneself and within society, it will take tremendous courage to stand up and fight for that peace that is so desired in the heart of abused individuals.  It took a lot of years of prayers, hard work, and the unwillingness to give up fighting for my personal peace, but after finding the courage to stand, I realized that my biggest fight was ahead of me. Desiring changes that will bring about the physical and psychological healing took planning, order, and daily commitments to complete the steps that will allow me to achieve balance in my daily life.

The steps that helped me achieve balance in my life are;

  1. Speaking up: I remember being very young, not sure what age I was when I told an adult (woman) in my church that I was being sexually abused. She said I was not telling the truth, and continued by saying that the family I was living with is good Christian people, who opened their home to an orphan girl, and I should not lie on these good people. This response silenced me for years, leaving me to live a life that felt like I was decaying from the inside out. I lived in silence for many years, and it was not until around the age of 27 that I realize keeping all this pain bottled up inside of me is going to be my death, which meant permanent silence for my entire lifetime. I wanted to have a voice, so I mustered up the courage to speak up, about my abuse in hope of free myself from years of silences and pain, in addition, to helping others who have suffered the same faith as I have, and looking for change, a renewed self-worth, positive outlook on life, ways to overcoming the fear of abuse.
  2. Understanding the Emotions: I have to say my emotions consume a great deal of my wellbeing, somedays I am feeling wonderful, while other days I struggle to find peace within myself, that feeling of being a helpless child has a way of trying to creep up to steal my joy in the hope of crippling the progress. I often have to remind myself that I am no longer a helpless child, but instead an adult, strong, secure and a child of God. Allowing myself to be angry about my abuse, and cry for the lost child within me, this has helped healed by allowing me to express these emotions.
  3. Unpacking: In order to begin the healing process, I made journaling a part of my daily activity, this helped unpack the fear, pain, and shame that I have been living with for years. In addition, unpacking free up space in my mind, help me better organize my thought for more positive thinking, and planning for my daily living activities in addition to my future.  Implementing professional and ministerial counseling as part of my planning has had a tremendous positive impact on my healing and life progress.
  4. Planning: My way of planning is by starting each and every day with reading God’s word, journaling, and prayer, this helps to keep my head clear and my heart and mind centered on the Lord, who is my healer.  I make a list of everything that I would like to complete for each day, week, month, or year.  Making lists helps me to stay focus, on the task ahead, leaving me with less time to relapse into that helpless little girl, not a place that I want to keep going back to now that I see myself as a survivor and no longer a victim.
  5. Enjoy life: I had to learn to live life with love, enjoying every moment that comes my way, not letting the pass predict or control my future by stealing the good things that the Lord has allowed to complete in life.  I enjoy the simple things in life like; cooking, baking, sewing, gardening in the summertime, and spending quality time with friends and family.

Disclaimer:  I fully understand that the steps I implemented in my healing process might not work for everyone who has to suffer some form of abuse, each individual or case might need its own unique steps that will be appropriate to the individual condition and life challenges.

Love always,

Lovigordon

Help and Resources,

National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800) 4-A-Child or (1-800) 422-4458 or visit the website at https://www.childhelp.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-Hope or 1-800-656-4673 or visit website at https://www.rainn.org

My Childhood Abuse and its Legacy

My Childhood Abuse and its Legacy

As I reflect on my life I cannot help wondering what my life would have been without the love, guidance, and protection of the Lord.  I am often perplexed by the endurance abilities that are embedded in the mind, heart, and body of individuals who are living with the legacy of childhood abuse. When I speak of legacy I am not talking about the family inheritance of gifts or money, I am talking about the legacies that are gain because of abuse, from verbal to sexual.

When I am asked, how I would describe myself? I often replied resilient without having to ponder the question, I truly believed that my resilience is one of the positive legacies that  I had developed to help me cope with the negative legacies that result from my childhood abuse, these negative legacies include isolation, self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness, and feeling unwanted within my family and the society.  One of the reasons that many survivors of childhood abuse keep going every day despite the negative feelings that we are facing each and every day is due to our resilience’s refusing to give up.

I think it is hard to explain the kind of legacies that are woven into every little part of a survivor’s existence because every survivor has different ways of coping with their legacies.  I have struggled with my negative legacies all my life, there have been times that I felt crippled by the weight of my psychological pain, but somehow manage to hold on to the promises of God.  The book of James 1:12 read “blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”  These promises strengthen my survival abilities by giving me tools to help me in building positive legacies, which I now use to shape and guide my everyday life.

Love always,

Lovigordon

Putting Down The Pain To Gain The Future

Putting down the pain caused by abuse

          As I entered into this New Year, my mind was engulfed with new exciting possibilities. I am always looking forward to every New Year because I view each New Year as new beginnings. Also, I view a New Year as another year for God to use me for his Kingdom. I don’t always accomplish all the things that I set out to accomplish each year. However, I try to make a go of most of the goals that I set for myself. The problem with the way I have done things in the past is that most of the time these goals were self-driven. To be self-driven is good, it allows me to accomplish my daily task with ease; however, this does not leave much flexibility for what the Lord wishes to accomplish in me or through me. This is why I will be doing things a little different this year and leaving much room for the Lord to use me in whatever ways that are pleasing to him.

How am I going to do this? Well!!!

            First I will start the New Year fasting, praying, and seeking the Lord. Focusing on what his will is for me in this New Year, and how can I assure that I fully understand the complexity of what he wishes to accomplish in me or through me. Pray that the Lord will remove any stumbling block that stands in my way. For me, one big stumble block is; holding on to things that have happened to me in the past. This stumbling block has been standing in my way for many years, prevented me from gaining a better life. It like a curtain that is blocking the sun from reaching a plant that is placed by a window. The plant may grow and flower, but because of the inadequate amount of sun the plant will not grow or flower as well as other plants that are receiving an adequate amount of sun.  Some days I feel like that plant, sitting by the window not getting the sun I need to grow and flourish.

This year I will pull back the curtain, allowing the sunlight in, so that I may have a more healthy growth in my personal life and most of all in Christ Jesus. The apostle Peter teaches that as Christian we should “stand strong in our faith.”  He also said to “humble yourselves (ourselves), therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you (me) up in due time” 1 Peter 5:6. In addition to humbling ourselves and “cast all your (my) anxiety on him because he cares for you (me)” 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV). As I move forward into this New Year I will “cast all my anxiety” at the foot of the cross, because my father in heaven “cares for me” and for you.

Be Bless in this New Year!

Lovigordon

Looking Back

Looking Back At My Life

When I look back at my life and see how far I have come, it makes me feel extremely blessed to see the progress that has taken place in my life. I come to realize that when life leaves me broken, I don’t always stop and take the time to thank the Lord for holding me close and never letting me go. Many times I feel that I am disappointing the Lord by allowing my past to control my future. I often ask myself these questions.

  • What have I accomplished for the Kingdom of God?
  • Am I just going around in circles?
  • Am I living up to my full potentials?
  • What is my true purpose?
  • Have I missed the signs?
  • Have I missed interrupt the life lessons I needed to learn from my past?
  • And how can I ashore that I am progressing towards the ultimate goal?

For me the saddest thing would be, missing my purpose because I have been holding onto my past pain. If I am not careful, I can become consumed with my past carrying it around like a backpack that is full of rocks. The only thing holding on to my past does for me, is slow me down, steal my joy, and prevents me from fulfilling my purpose. To me this would be a major defeat to my life, like being alive but not living, just existing without a purpose.

I will say this, I know my true calling is not to sit and wallow in my past. Besides; I know there is a lesson to learn, and the sooner I learn, the faster I can fulfill my purpose in the Kingdom of God.

As this year-end, I will say the Lord has been very good to me.  From time to time when I am face to face with problems, an overwhelming fear of the unknown emanates me, followed by panic. And just when I think the bottom of my life is going to fall out the Lord whisper in his still soft voice.  He used verses like Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When I read this scripture I marvel at how our heavenly Father can penetrate any darkness to bring comfort in the nick of time. How awesome! Let us never forget to pray and give thanks for all that our father has accomplished in us. And most of all, that which still needs to be accomplished through us.

Lovigordon

When learning to love yourself is easier said than done.

When Learning to Love Yourself is Easier said than done.

A look at where I am now! I am still working on “learning to love myself” and I have to say it is easier said than done.
I force myself to achieve peace within me, and most of the time I feel I am failing at attaining this peace I so desire. However, every day I get out of bed, read my bible, pray, and thank God for the new day that he has given me. I know in my heart that living in the past is unhealthy and only prevents me from fulfilling my calling. Knowing that living in the past is unhealthy, motivates me to push forward with my daily activities work, church, school, and home. I don’t always do my best, however; I keep going because giving up is not an option. My desire is to one day not feel the effect of my past childhood abuse. Some days it seems so present as if it just happens to me, I have to say the devil is a liar. Someday the sky is so blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and I am feeling good. Other days I wake up and I know this will be a day of pain, not physical pain, but emotional, and psychological pain.
I truly understand that my purpose in life is much greater than my past pain. And that I should not allow that past to stand in the way of what God wishes to accomplish through me. I feel that the devil is always sitting back watching and waiting to see individuals who have been through hard times fail. But I tell you this, with God I can withstand anything and prevail, not fail. Feasting on scriptures like Psalm 18 verse 28 “You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Verse 29 goes on the say, “With your help, I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale wall.”
With my God I know, I can overcome anything as long as I don’t give up. And so can you! If we focus on the purpose of our lives, and not the past pain, great things can be accomplished for the kingdom of God.

Lovigordon

In Search of my Wings

Learning to love myself after childhood abuse

For some individuals growing up has been a wonderful and joyous experience. Their lives are of loving memory of growing up with one or both parents and many other family members. Their wonderful memory combined with supporting parents and love helps to shape their lives in positive ways. For other individuals, like myself, growing up has been a hard, dark, and lonely journey. The reason, is because I was kidnapped as a child. In addition, being a person who was kidnapped as a child has caused me to feel like I do not belong, not just within my family but also within the world. It all started when I was 3 years old, I was kidnapped by my father and given away to strangers. I did not know who I was or where I came from, I just knew I did not feel loved. The selfish action of my father and the abuse from the family that raised me left me with low self-esteem and a feeling of disconnection. The family who raised me told me that my father gave me up because my mother was dead and he could not care for me. Big lie; I was kidnapped by my very own father, as if that was not bad enough, the family I was now with abused me day and night. This abuse caused me to live with intense shame and in time I started to isolate myself.

I was verbally, sexually, physically, and emotionally abused, everyday; one or more forms of abuse took place in my small dark and lonely life. I had to do very hard house and yard work very day; I see myself as a child slave. In addition, when I would cry because I was just too small for the heavy work, I was told to “shut up and stop crying.” Stop crying and take what I am getting meaning the hard labor and abuse, because “no one loves you,” “and no one wants you,” and that “no one will ever love you, or want you.” To this day, I can still hear those words in my head. I do feel these words affect my self-esteem in a negative way, the person I am, even the way I chose to live today. Refusing to allow others to be close to me, and when I am around family members I feel out of place, like a misfit. Because of being told, “no one will ever love me” I never feel as an equal to those around me. I always think that I am not loved and that no one cares about me. I never got help for all the abuse I suffered as a child so I brought the pain from my childhood into my adolescent years.

These adolescent years became the greatest fight for my life; I felt pure pain inside my heart and loneliness consumed me. By age 17 I moved and was now living in the same house with my father, a man I felt abandoned me to suffer and die. This became a climactic time in my life, face to face with the man who made me feel worthless and unwanted in this world. I did not feel safe; I did not know who I was, or where I am going. To make matters worse I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling. For me the cycle of confusion, shame, and pain consumed my life, I though that pain would be my death, that I would never see adulthood. I knew I had to do something, but I did nothing. I lived the best I knew how to live, and hide my pain. As night fell and I am alone in my bed, the intensity of my emotion overwhelm me and I would just cry myself to sleep. Night after night I just cry, and cry, sometimes I cry until I fell asleep, other nights I just cry until morning.

As I enter adulthood, my pain came along with me into my adult life. I started to look back at where I am coming from and how hard things has been, first the kidnap and abandonment, then the abuse, followed by years of trying to fit into a family, where I do not belong. With family members who do not seem to care what I have been through. For years I lived feeling disconnected  and that I am not good enough for anyone and that I will not be equal to my brothers and sisters, or I will never have the ability to accomplish the same goals as my peers. To me my place in life was meaningless, and I was living a life of hopelessness, unsure of what I must do with my life.

Being a person who grow up not knowing who they are, was difficult. Not knowing who I was has not just caused me to have low self-esteem, it also saturate my life with fear. I am afraid of failing, that whatever I try to accomplish in life I will fail at it. Also, afraid of having faith in others because I think they will let me down by not following through with what they say they will do, and most of all I am afraid of love. Trusting others is one of the most challenging things in my life, it has improved over the years, but not to where I feel it should be. For years, I struggled to push forward in my life; I wanted to do more than just making it to work and paying the bills. I wanted to have a voice, and others to know that I am a person, and that I am alive.

I did not want the pain of my childhood to keep controlling my life. I grow up in the church but because of the things, I had been through at the hands of Christian. I was confused and wanted to run as far away from the church and God was possible. I did not know that I cannot outrun God, he is everywhere and soon I stop running. I started to go to church, and it helped me in many ways, but I was afraid of the people, I would sit in the back and speak to no one. As time goes by I started to feel that I  have a place in life.  I started to learn more about Jesus’s love and forgiveness of sins and so I started to feel better about myself. As I aged and grow in the Lord, I have opened my eyes to many things, first I have learned that I am not alone in this struggle and that many other people have been through the same things as I have. I have learned over the years that surrounding myself with positive people and continue to engage in things that I love like, cooking, sewing, and gardening placing beautiful  Angel Figurine around my garden helps to keep my focus on obtaining my wings.  And just maybe if I can reach others like myself and tell them my story, together we can heal from the pain that is standing in the way of us growing in our lives and most of all in Jesus.

Lovigordon

Hope for the Hopeless