Putting down the pain caused by abuse

          As I entered into this New Year, my mind was engulfed with new exciting possibilities. I am always looking forward to every New Year because I view each New Year as new beginnings. Also, I view a New Year as another year for God to use me for his Kingdom. I don’t always accomplish all the things that I set out to accomplish each year. However, I try to make a go of most of the goals that I set for myself. The problem with the way I have done things in the past is that most of the time these goals were self-driven. To be self-driven is good, it allows me to accomplish my daily task with ease; however, this does not leave much flexibility for what the Lord wishes to accomplish in me or through me. This is why I will be doing things a little different this year and leaving much room for the Lord to use me in whatever ways that are pleasing to him.

How am I going to do this? Well!!!

            First I will start the New Year fasting, praying, and seeking the Lord. Focusing on what his will is for me in this New Year, and how can I assure that I fully understand the complexity of what he wishes to accomplish in me or through me. Pray that the Lord will remove any stumbling block that stands in my way. For me, one big stumble block is; holding on to things that have happened to me in the past. This stumbling block has been standing in my way for many years, prevented me from gaining a better life. It like a curtain that is blocking the sun from reaching a plant that is placed by a window. The plant may grow and flower, but because of the inadequate amount of sun the plant will not grow or flower as well as other plants that are receiving an adequate amount of sun.  Some days I feel like that plant, sitting by the window not getting the sun I need to grow and flourish.

This year I will pull back the curtain, allowing the sunlight in, so that I may have a more healthy growth in my personal life and most of all in Christ Jesus. The apostle Peter teaches that as Christian we should “stand strong in our faith.”  He also said to “humble yourselves (ourselves), therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you (me) up in due time” 1 Peter 5:6. In addition to humbling ourselves and “cast all your (my) anxiety on him because he cares for you (me)” 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV). As I move forward into this New Year I will “cast all my anxiety” at the foot of the cross, because my father in heaven “cares for me” and for you.

Be Bless in this New Year!

Lovigordon

When Learning to Love Yourself is Easier said than done.

A look at where I am now! I am still working on learning to love myself and, I have to say it is easier said than done. I force myself to achieve peace within me, and most of the time, I feel I am failing at attaining this peace I so desire. However, every day I get out of bed, read my bible, pray, and thank God for the new day that he has given me. I know in my heart that living in the past is unhealthy and only prevents me from fulfilling my calling. Knowing that living in the past is unhealthy motivates me to push forward with my daily activities which include; work, church, school, and home. I don’t always do my best or work to my full potential however, I keep going because giving up is not an option. My desire is to one day not feel the effect of my past childhood abuse.

Somedays, the sky is so blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and I am feeling absolutely fabulous about life, and my heart and ears are open to give and receive positivity and love.  

        Other days I wake up, and I know this will be a day of pain, not physical pain, but emotional and psychological pain. I truly understand that my purpose in life is much greater than my past pain. And that I should not allow that past to stand in the way of what God wishes to accomplish through me. I often feel that the devil is always sitting back watching and waiting to see individuals who have been through hard times fail. But I tell you this, with God I can withstand anything and prevail, not fail.

Feasting on scriptures like Psalm 18 verse 28 “You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Verse 29 goes on the say, “With your help, I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale wall.”
With my God, I know I can overcome anything as long as I do not give up. I believe that focusing on the purpose of my life has allowed me to keep pushing forward instead of remaining stuck in the past where I will lack the ability to accomplish anything good for myself, my family, my community, or the kingdom of God.

Lovigordon